We hear the sound of sirens and I nudge the boys to wait here while I go down. I had asked Dee not to come for the funeral, I did not want Hridhay to wait for anyone in the state he was. I did not want anyone else ti be there, we wanted family time before we bade goodbye to Hridhay. I run to the door and four men rush to bring Hridhay out. KP nudges one of them and takes his place to bear his friend on his shoulders. They lift the coffin very gently and place him in our living room. All of them step out and I hold KP'S hands asking him to stay. I go up and get the kids down. As I walk down the stairs, I am worried about Adi, of how he is going to face this. As we assemble as a family for one last time, the boys kneel down next to Hridhay and sob. I sit beside them and look at what is left over of Hridhay's face. We spend the next moments in silence and I nod at KP. He wipes his tears and comes forward to sit beside me. The pall bearers come in and join KP and gently lift Hridhay to take him away from us, to take him away into eternity.
So what is death? Is death only to the soul that has parted? Death is for the alive more than for the dead. For it takes along unfulfilled promises, unfinished stories, unspoken conversations and an unlived life. To me Hridhay was my past, present and my future, and as he is being taken away from me, I wonder how my future seems, but more than the uncertainty of our future, it is denial to confront that from now Hridhay is only part of my past.
The boys and I sit on the sofa, Kannamma huddling all of us. Times like these, I just want to be a child again, having this blind faith that Amma's hug or kiss can make miracles. I miss Amma more than anyone and maybe up there Amma Appa and Hridhay are cracking their own set of jokes. Adi and Kathir are tired, I give them some food and ask them to try and sleep for a while. I take my phone, to type my heart out to the one person who I always lean on and theres a single message from her. Im coming.
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