Journeys : Episode 13

Tara

I dont know how long I took, but weeks of grief kept coming out of me. I compose myself finally and straighten up, to talk to my husband, to the loving father. He looks at me, his gaze intent, I begin to speak and he stops me. "I know Tara." I have a thousand questions to ask him, but he waves at me, and walks out of the room. Moments later he brings Adi with him. "But Hridhay is this even the right moment to have this conversation?" "No day is better or worse. At the hospital he wanted to talk to me, but i kept telling him we need to wait for you. We need to talk this through together. Let's put the past behind us" I look at Adi, the first memory of our touch flashing through my mind. I walk near him and he holds me tight, shaking, and I hold him tight, not wanting to let go. "I'm sorry Amma" the only words he could manage.

"Adi, there will be a lifetime for us to keep apologizing and making up. I am really looking forward to that. I dont want to talk about what you did. Or if it is right or wrong. I just understand that for some reason, you have lost hope in life and I want to know how we can make your life worthwhile. In our capacity" "Amma its Aarnav" he stops to take a breath. I dont want to interrupt his thoughts. "Remember the last tournament we went to? His mom came along and you stayed behind. We were in the same room and when we were alone, he held my hand. I didnt feel bad, in fact I felt very good and I held it back. Since then what Aarnav and I have shared had brought us closer than ever. Is that wrong amma?" "Thats not wrong baby. You can hold who's hands you want to. Only if you want to"

"So couple of weeks back when I went to his place, we were holding hands and his mom didnt like it. She yelled at me calling me names that I didnt even understand and said I should never ever come near Aarnav. I came home and that was the last I saw Aarnav ever. I felt something was wrong with me, something not the right way everyone else is. I kept having bad thoughts about myself, that I drove Aarnav away. He was so happy with me Amma. So was I. I thought only Kathir could give me such happiness but Aarnav could too. But he was gone and the bad thoughts kept coming. I couldnt get them out of my head. And that day while I was waiting to get down the escalator, I jumped."