"...we cant say anything more right now" the words reverberated in my ears, my heart pacing. What do I tell everyone? I cant tell the kids anything. I look at Kannamma and she spots the worry in my eyes. I nod my head lightly and blink my eyes, she nods her head in return. "Change of plans, I need to go for work now, some emergency, Kannamma...." the kids are disappointed, but for now that is the least of my worries. I take a cab and rush to the emergency. The ride feels endless, and the thoughts dont stop. KP please be okay, I dont want anything to happen to you. We will care for you. We will help you recover from everything. We are there. Just be okay.
I am just fed up with hospitals, why can't one have a normal life? Is a dinner too much to ask for? I think of Adi and Kathir, the disappointment in their faces. We are going to make up to you baby. And what about my own set of disappointments? Tara whats wrong with you, someone is at the emergency, and you are worrying about a missed dinner? I put my hand inside my bag to fetch my phone and damn, I cant find it. Its not there. It must have fallen down somewhere in the hassle. I can call Hridhay after reaching hospital. I only hope the hospital people dont call again, because I dont want the kids to know anything. Well, for now.
I reach finally, and run out of the car, along the too familiar corridor and the dates trees, and the crowds who are always too busy in their own worlds, with their own set of worries. I reach the emergency desk and produce my ID "I'm Tara, I received a call on my mobile a couple of minutes back asking me to come immediately" "please wait mam, let me talk to the doctor". She takes her phone and speaks in heavy Arabic as I look at her, listening intently for any English word that could give me any information, any small ray of hope. God please let KP be okay, please please.
The front desk officer finally finished talking and tells me "come with me Ma'm". Im very scared. Hridhay, where are you when I need your hand to hold? Not just to walk steadily but just to know you are with me. I am asked to sit outside the doctor's cabin and I watch the commotion around. I wonder what is commotion to us is normal life for people here. I keep uttering a prayer, placing my hands on my eyes, shutting the world away. In a few seconds, I feel warm hands on my shoulders, finally Hridhay here you are. As I open my eyes, I see KP standing in front of me, in life and skin, and reality hit me like a blowing tornado, shattering whatever it passes through.
"Tara...." I want to breakdown, I want to go into a deep slumber that everything passes and when I wake up everything is okay. "Tara, the doctors are here, lets go..." we move in, and the doctor speaks "I'm sorry ma'm, there is nothing we can do. He's fighting his best, but we cant do anything. There is too much bleeding in his skull and multiple fractures. I'm sorry mam you can go in and see him" I walk out and KP walks with me. I nod my head and ask him to wait outside and enter into the emergency ward. I look at Hridhay, unrecognizable, and go beside him. His eyeballs are in rapid movement inside his closed eyelids. I take his hand and hold him and look at his closed eyes, the eyelids settle down, and a calm spreads on his face. "Hridhay..." i call out, and the flat line on the monitor answered me that my husband is no more.
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