Thanks I type, awaiting a response. Anything Tara, a thumbs up, a smiley, just anything. Please dont blue tick me. I have so many things to talk to you and to hear you talk about. I keep looking at the screen for ten long minutes only to be disappointed. I've always wondered how caught-in-a-web would feel like, but not anymore. I know exactly how it feels. I want to utter so many complaints, but then, there's always this longer line that I keep looking at and hold myself back to being thankful.
Days pass, we drive together to work, trying to share what best of conversations we can. Perhaps thats the best I can offer? I drop her back home and she reminds me "hey KP, good luck for the interview tomorrow". There are so many things in my mind, the tickets are blocked. I have to leave in two weeks, winding up my fifteen years of life from here. Everything is ready, like a closely engineered contraption, all it needs is the first nudge. One half of me keeps saying its just a change of place, everything else will be pretty much the same. The other half of me dreads having to be in an entirely new place. There's only one thing that drives this choice of mine, Shravya. When I think of her, everything seems doable.
Time seems to whizz by, and I hear the interviewer saying "your Visa has been granted". I come out of the embassy and call Tara first. "Hey, its done. I got the Visa". "Oh, how do you feel KP?" Is this the moment to be honest with her and tell her that I am torn between Shravya and her? Or perhaps the moment passed already and it doesnt matter anymore? I wish I had more time to spend with Tara before leaving. "KP are you there? Can you hear me?" "Yes. I feel nervous" she laughs and the sound of her laughter brings my anxiety down. "Are you free for dinner tonight KP?" "Yes sure, I'll pick you up".
I go home and change into comfortable clothes. I start making a list of things to give away and things to add into the cargo, although it hadn't entirely sunk in me, I was moving out of this country. Ive never been emotionally attached to this place, it has always been a place of work and a place where everything was. To me, Qatar meant Hridhay, Tara and Shravya. Nothing more, or should I say nothing less? Hours pass and to my surprise, I seem to have finished organizing the entire house on a piece of paper. Its almost time, I shower and leave.
As I park the car in the garage, I smell something delicious. Ah Kannamma, what a lovely cook she is. I'm going to convince Tara to eat home and probably take a long walk. I ring the bell and Tara opens the door, the moon light twinkling in her eyes. "Hey Tara..." she puts her finger on my mouth and stops me. "Kannamma and the kids are out. They will be back only tomorrow afternoon. Is it ok if we eat here?" I smile at her. Today, I feel something different when I'm with Tara. I've been alone with her on so many instances all these years, but today, this moment, I feel different. Point is, is it different-good or different-bad? I dont think the answer is so difficult to decipher.
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