The morning feels weird, the table is full of people yet the house seems empty to me, the walls reverberating my loneliness. The boys are having an animated discussion with Dee and KP. Dee is this wonder woman with kids, the one aunt you would go to. I'm so glad for her. I focus myself back into the conversation and hear KP asking me when I'd get back to work. Yes, life has to move on, I realise. "Soon KP, just hold forte". I have to sort out a couple of things before starting work. I need to enrol Adi into therapy, to set the home... and most importantly to grieve. We finish breakfast and I start cleaning the table, Dee walks upstairs with the kids and KP walks to the table. He helps me clean up in silence, giving me the occasional glances, and I am not in mood to start any conversation with anyone.
Weeks pass, Dee is back home and we are getting better. There is a new routine in Hridhay's absence. Yes i can now utter his name without crying, although I do cry at random times. I want to get back to work, why is the first step always the hardest? Yes I will. Next week onwards. Adi and I go to therapy together. Kathir keeps him up to date with school and Kannamma and KP keep me going. Mainly by giving me the solitude I need. I know this is an escape from reality and what not, but I need this. Its the last weekend before I get to work and I walk to Hridhay's cupboard to organize it. The only thing that needs to be done now.
I open the cupboard and a million memories hit me. I stand there, paralyzed, not able to move or even blink. I caress my fingers along the shirts that were once worn by Hridhay, the scent of him still lingering around there. The green one that he wore the night before our wedding, the pink one that he wore the first time we went for a movie. More than memories, the shirts kept hitting back at me, that there once lived a man who wore all these. As tears roll down my eyes, I hear a knock at the door. "....Tara I'm sorry the driver is cancelling out. I can drive you till we find another one..." and stops his sentence as he looks at me. "Wait let me give you a hand, move over" and he pulls me out of the cupboard.
"What exactly were you trying to do Tara?" "I want to pack all of Hridhay's clothes and give them away. Thats the only thing that I need to do before getting back to work". "Hey can I take some?" I look at him trying not to show my judgements on my face. "Sure why not?". I move away as he picked one of the shirts and wore them on top. I try to look away, but somehow my gaze is pulled towards the bottle green shirt that he is trying on and as he buttons them up and lifts his eyebrows, I look at him, shell shocked. I nod my head, to the one obvious question his eyes meant and to the hundred confusing questions my heart raised. "Looks good on you KP" was all I could manage. As I raise my hands to make a thumbs up, my Fenix vibrated, holding my wrist tight. Move, it said.
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