New Year

It was about 2000hrs, New Years Eve. I was sitting lazily and wondering what productively I could do at the moment. The immediate answer that came up my mind was to cook. But I was in no mood to eat a square meal. For the first time in my life, I was going to spend the New Year alone. I knew the mobiles wont work after 2330 which left me in a deeper sense of loneliness. Then I decided what I would do for the dawn of New Year – I would think on how to change myself for being a better human being. Let me continue in present tense please – my tense consistency is a fiasco. To narrow down to that, I need to think about all that is important to me in my life. Oh ya. People, people and people. I have a lot of people in my life and I have never been able to call it a day. The net result – I hurt myself in the process when they walk away. What can I do to stop hurting myself? The answer came then. Love unconditionally without expecting anything in return – not even love.

Is it really possible? Ya it is. But the transition is quite steep and painful. I remember during New Year when one of my very close friends had changed her mobile number as she’d lost her old one. I called her new number for New Year only to hear a recorded message that said it was switched off. I called to her phone at home the next morning only to find out she’d got her old number back. Ya it was indeed stupid of me. I should have tried her old number. But still, I felt so hurt and low. Rock bottom is the word. But I managed to keep this from her (come on man, I’m only just transforming). Next time, I’d stop expecting that. Not that I love her any less – the love is intact – but unconditional.

Can I really continue my voyage of life in this lane? Oh yes. I will give my best to. Cause I find a lot of people around me who love me unconditionally – my mother, my sister, my paternal grandparents and the man of my life. I believe that one day I will grow myself to that level. I believe, that one day, my ability to realize my love for people would overtake my impulsiveness to find faults with them and continue to love them like I always do. I believe we are born to make a difference to this world; if not to the whole world, at least to those people who mean the world to us. I believe that if I stop finding faults with other people and instead tell them what difference they make in my life, there would be a little more happiness. I believe, by loving people unconditionally, we can make a difference to them just being what we are.

Hope I live to these words.

Cheers,

Hopie.