Happy birthday Avyukth & Akshath!

A year,365.25 days, 52 weeks and the count could go on... here we are, proud parents, happy grandparents, elated aunts and uncles... they are so blessed to have each of you in their lives..

I have often heard that a picture speaks a thousand words. Here are the birthday boys. I look at the pic for a second, and quite a lot of words pop up. Birth. Struggle. Fight. Agony. Tears. Victory. Breath. Patience. Perseverance. Faith. Ecstacy. Happiness. Cheer. Goodwill. People. Success. Smiles. Laughs. Steps. Drools. Poops. Pees. Diapers. Dresses. Caffeine. Sleeplessness. Tantrums. Wails. Babbles. Winks. Falls. Slaps. Scratches. Pinches. Memories. Happiness. Peace. Bliss. Gratitude.

Love to kollu thatha, paatti and thatha for burning the oil morning noon and night so we sleep peacefully.

On behalf of the birthday wonders,
Hopie

Silly weeks : #13 #14 #15 #16

Let the morning mist that brings a haze not blind our vision, for soon, the sun will shine and pierce through; let dense dark clouds not bring fear, for rain shall follow and flourish all around; be it waiting for the sun or rain, lets have patience, for they're almost there and always there. Lets welcome a week of patience... Happy week ahead...!

As we hear a cooker whistle, we learn it is ok to release pressure in order to make a tasty brew; as we listen to the wind chime gong, we understand that even light winds produce soothing music; as the calling bell sounds, we realise there is a world of opportunities waiting for us to open. Hear around, keep ur ears open, for we welcome a week of sounds...! Happy week ahead...!

As the last week of 2015 unfolds, lets take a moment to look back. .. at the good times we had and smile, at the good people that we have in our lives and appreciate and cherish them, at the opportunities that we had and be thankful, at those testing times that built strength in us and hope.. lets look back and carry forward all the good things that 2015 gifted us with... Happy week ahead...!

Get ready to jump unimaginable heights, strengthen your palms to hop unseen distances, keep your heart light to laugh all you can, for this is the year of the monkey. Lets welcome the first week of 2016... happy week ahead...!

A year of Avy n Aki : 2 days to go

Its really exciting that their birthday is only two days away. How much we have learnt. This memory is a recent one, the most recent perhaps. Its something like their bed time routine to watch the title song of Jai Hanuman. I dunno what attracts them to it - hanuman flying with the sanjeevani mountain or the high pitched song or the bright orange hues that the video is based.
I love the way they are engrossed into the video, oblivious to the world around. How their eyes twinkle with pure joy. How their faces radiate bliss and reflect light. 
Thank you for reminding me what growing up has made me lose and bringing it right in front of my eyes. Thank you for filing the blank spaces of our lives with light.

Cheers,
Hopie

A year of Avy n Aki : 3 days to go

This one is from my birthday this year, my first birthday as a parent. The birthday I held our presents, our present and future in my arms, one after the other of course. Throughout my pregnancy - no wait, it sounds like it was a long period - the three months of my pregnancy that I was in our usual ecosystem, almost everyone who saw me said the same thing - you're glowing, for sure you're gonna have two girls. Yes people were telling me what I wanted to hear, for I wanted two girls. Not that I didnt want boys, but after thirteen years of having an overload of Y Chromosomes around me, I preferred to have a change.
On the night of the 16th of December, when our paediatrician announced twin 1 and twin 2 as boys, I never felt I had carried a preference all along, for that moment was bliss. Today, I have no complaints. But yet, the thought of two identical girls...

This picture is from the day I saw how it felt, or rather how it looked to have two girls. Prem and I had thought of Hasini and Yazhini. The day they grow up and see this, I'm going to be burnt by their looks.

Avyukth : So arent you gonna tell them which one of us Hasini is and which one of us is Yazhini? I'm sure you cant, for the back of my head is hidden well.
Akshath : honestly woman, cant you tell us apart in frocks too?

Thank you for a wonderful birthday and many more to come. I look forward to starting our life as a family soon, in a new place, a new home... no wait a minute, in a men's hostel.

Cheers,
Hopie

NB. I have the names of everyone of you who said it would be two girls. If not already, I'm coming for you. 

A year of Avy n Aki : 4 days to go

This memory is from last year, this date, the 12th of December. When Narendra Modi and I almost together celebrated 200 days. I was quite proud that morning, the race was going steady, just a little hiccups, but okay we were fine. The routine was not any different, the same bp checks, pricks....
200 days was a big milestone for people like us, who were made to lie down against gravity. It was past the golden 28wk mark, that my gynaecologist Dr.S kept telling me from day 1, that we would be out of danger. Funny though, I thought I would deliver on the 26th January and mentally made a countdown starting that day.
So are you still wondering what was special that day, beside that being thalaivar's birthday? There was one reason. That day was when I overcame my guilt, my failure, for not having carried our babies with care. That day, I felt my heart lighten, not that i had achieved anything, but I had made an effort, I had made amendments, I had given up everything and just lied down within four walls battling an endless wait.

Little did I know that day, that the countdown timer had already started, and there were only four days to go.

Thank you for making me feel good about myself - although I failed, I strongly believe today that I tried.

Cheers,
Hopie

A year of Avy n Aki : 5 days to go

I always felt that being born a preterm, is in a way a blessing, for they have far more mothers than anyone can imagine. Today's post is on two such mothers of theirs.

They're the ones who termed me a mammu  (thankfully not a dummy instead). We share a special bond till date and what bonds us is quite obvious. I remember the days, while I entered the NICU with anxiety every morning, they used to greet me with their radiant smile. The smile never leaves their lips, I have noticed. How many nights they held our babies in their arms and made sure they slept. How many hours they held those little arms to refrain them from pulling the breathing tube. How many times they kept looking at them not losing a wink, just to make sure, they didn't forget to breathe.

Thank you Raji and Gracia, for being more than a mother to our boys. Today they radiate the unconditional love they learnt from you.

Cheers,
Hopie

A year of Avy n Aki : 6 days to go

This memory is from the time they first rolled over. Akshath did it on the 15th of June (which I missed to see) and Avyukth on the 05th of July. Their first move against gravity.

The day they learnt that it was no longer their nature to lie down, the day they understood they needed new perspectives, they day they deciphered a brand new world waiting to be seen, touched, to be manhandled and manoeuvred, the day they concluded perhaps, that the whole wide world was under their bellies.

Thank you for preserving two of your wonderful creations and letting us see them grow up and grow and learn together with them an entirely new life.

Cheers,
Hopie

A year of Avy n Aki : 7 days to go

So the joke is always on me. I always wonder if they have those little secrets between them - after all, they are womb-mates, arent they? Many a times I have noticed, or perhaps imagined, eye contacts between them, those sharp distinct cries that each respond with enthusiasm.

This snap captures one of their first smiles.

Avyukth : hey, she forgot which one of us I was, last night
Akshath : oh my, did she go for the obvious then?
Avyukth : yes, I felt her palm reach the hind of my head. When will she learn?
Akshath : honestly woman you call yourself our mother.

Thank you for gifting me with enough confusion that I am happy about.

Cheers,
Hopie

A year of Avy n Aki : 8 days to go

We had a lot of priceless moments at the NICU on top of the painful ones. Here are some.

I was simply awed at how affectionate the sisters were on our babies. To the extent that they would shoo me away whenever I went at an odd hour. How they used to refer me as mammu, note not mummy, for that was the only value I was able to add. Here are some pictures from the NICU days.

The day they wore their first new dress. At mothercare, the new born collection was vast. Specific. New baby, tiny baby and yes, early baby. The dress was seamed to fit a baby of 1.5kg. What mothercare didnt know, was that there were babies for whom this would be an ill-fit as well.

The day Avyukth breathed his own. Magical. Unbelievable. Yet true and right in front of our eyes.

Their first pic together, we managed to smuggle both of them into the same warmer and click this.

The day Avyukth was discharged. How we walked away with something priceless in our arms and something lot more for a lifetime. Lessons that we learnt. Patience. Gratitude. Appreciating what we have. Strength. Hope. Faith. Belief. Being positive.

I reserve my thanks to the NICU team for later. Today I thank HIM for all that HE has given us.

Cheers,
Hopie

A year of Avy n Aki : 9 days to go

The next collection of memories is from the day we delivered. A day that is tattooed in my mind on top of the three on my skin ;)

A line of discomforts started by Wk 28. On 16th December, at 7pm, our doctor finally decides, it is no longer safe for our babies if I lie down against gravity, and he asks the doctor on call, Dr. Ritu to straighten my bed. I was overjoyed that I can lie down straight since then. We were watching super singer n spoorthi was singing. At 2150 my water completely broke and I screamed on top of my voice. That's when hell broke loose.
Immediately Dr Ritu, two sisters and a scan machine are by my bed. I keep crying non stop and the first thing she does is scan. The babies were fine. She says there's still enough water and Dr Sathya is on the way. She wasnt sure what the plan is. I didnt understand what that meant. So could i carry for couple more weeks? Four doctors came to look at me but no one gave me any clarity on what was going to happen. I was getting anxious.
The most painful thing was she asked my mom to remove my bangles. I wore the bangles for a mere 16 days. I felt so robbed. I keep telling our babies to stay safe. I hold back tears and tell myself enough. And that's when I realised I was having contractions. Absolutely no pain but the contractions were i think two minutes apart. I was moved to the labour room, the cerclage removed & then came handsome Dr S, my knight in shining armour, in a light blue jean and a navy blue t shirt. Must be a regular party for him I was thinking. And finally someone had the guts to tell us he was going to deliver our babies.
He examines me internally and says I could go for a normal delivery if I had the motivation. I was too scared and asked him to take me to the theatre. I think it was 2230 or so then. He warns me that baby 1 could come out on the way cause he was willing to. I tell our baby to stay put for a couple of minutes and that our guardian angel was here, and he would bring them out safely. They prepare me for LSCS like assembly of a BMW car and wheel me in. The anaesthetist says the epidural would paralyse up to my neck sometimes and I ask him if my heart would still beat. I ask Dr S if someone can bring my spectacles inside cause I cannot see our babies without them and Dr Kalyani, the paediatrician on call, asks me not to worry and she will make sure I see them.
After that it happened like magic. The  Epidural. The suction. The first birth cry and the second. The instantaneous goose bumps all over my body that I felt beyond the anaesthetic. My first kisses to them. Little did I know then, that my next touch would be a month later. And then they put me to sleep. Or rather tried to and failed miserably, for I didnt sleep a wink the next 56 days.

Thank you Dr. Sathya, Dr. Ritu, Divya Sister, Feeba Sister and Elisabeth sister. Thank you for the decision that was proved right and the precision in whatever you did on the night of the 16th of December, for today we hold our bundle of joy in our arms.

Cheers,
Hopie

Utopia : Eternity : The End

Their train reached the last stop. She didn't even know the name. But she was confident as God had blessed her with strong shoulders to give Tara a good life. She was going to miss Vyaas, but that shall pass. She could not bring herself to doing something that she would regret every minute of her life. The loss was far too much, yes, but she could not find one reason that convinced her it was right. She overcame a disaster once, this was going to be nowhere near that. She could do it. She got up from the seat with confidence and moved on.
She walked down from the coach, with her eyes carefully screening her path. She couldn't afford to trip, for there was no longer a shoulder to hold her from falling. As she walked forward, she felt a grasp around her arms. She knew the temperature so well, she didn't need to look. With her eyes closed, she could picture the expression on his face. He came for her. Her Vyaas. Her true love. He understood and respected her ideals. There would be another time to talk, a lot of it, for now was not a moment for words. For that was the magic of their relationship, to converse without words. She returned the grasp with all her love. And they walked forward into eternity.

The End.

Cheers,
Hopie

A year of Avy n Aki : 10 days to go

With just ten days to go for their birthday, I thought I should share a couple of moments with you. Firstly, thank you for being there, you made us stronger.
The first part of the story is from our hospital days. The days of lying down against gravity, the days when blood in my body found it easier to flow into my head than to my feet, perhaps. Our day began with a BP check at 530a.m. Every day was pretty much the same although we would differenciate the weekdays and weekends with two things - programmes on TV and the usual visit of Dr. Umbridge at 830a.m. We learnt about a lot of complications around pregnancy from her and I still remember, after the first week of crying about it, how we started mocking. We. Yes. I was blessed with a neighbour, who lied down parallel to me, and made 64 days of my life liveable, which I cannot imagine otherwise.
Although our routine was much like those in a prison, we had a cause that kept us going. A purpose. We were carrying our lifetime dreams inside us. And no matter what we would never complain. How entirely contrasting our lives were, and yet we made it through.
When sunlight was a far fetched dream and the closest we could get to was a sachet of D-rise, that too once a month! When going for a scan was like a picnic, we could see different walls, different faces, we always had that school-kid-on-an-excursion smile while dear sisters wheeled us to and back. We learnt to what extent mothers would go - how they smuggled a mini kitchen into our room and cooked yummy food for us. Those snores from Prem and how I always kept extra pillows to throw on him to wake him up at midnight. How prem used to mock us, Monday mornings, with his dear goodbyes of 'attender discharge'.
64 days that I can never forget in my life. Days that gave me strength and taught me what patience is - to pass every day seemed a blessing and an achievement. Days that built perseverance in me - that it was possible to remain within four walls, and not go mad. Days that made me realise that happiness isn't just about going out for movies or shopping, its all about being and talking with people you truly love. Days that pointed to me a million reasons I should be happy and thankful for. Days that taught to me what the real meaning of faith is - that when we truly believe in something with all our heart, the world will conspire itself and make it happen.

We shared a special part of our lives together, and today, thanks to God, we hold our prizes in our arms.

Thank you Evings. I can never forget you, for the connection we had was far beyond - how we connected beyond curtains, through the music of two tiny horses galloping from inside us.

Cheers,
Hopie

Utopia : Noon : Part 5

A look of awe in both their faces. Both of them continued to dig for the next two hours and retrieved 24 gold biscuits in total. "Vyaas what is this? Why would the owner be hiding it here? And not keep it at home in a safe?". "This must be illegally earned no other explanation. Vansh after all that they have done to you guys, this is a chance for us to give back". She kept quiet not talking. Did what Vyaas say make sense? Would this teach them a lesson and would they change? She didn't find answers. "....tell me how many families work at the estate..?" She was lost in thoughts when Vyaas shook her. "Hey you, how many families work here?". "Hm without us 19. If you consider both of us separate then its 21, else 20". "So 20 it is" he concluded.
His mind was racing fast. "Vansh, hear me out. We're gonna take 20 of these from here. You. For tonight. While you walk back home, I am going to set this area right and put everything back in place. I have a feeling these guys may not be checking this quite frequently cause it takes a long time to dig and settle, plus itd cause suspicion. This week, I am going to distribute these to each of the families explaining it to them. On Sunday, Tara you and I are leaving this place. All you have to do is grab Tara on Sunday morning, catch the 915 train to Central. It is the sixth stop from the start. Take a round ticket to the last stop and back so no one can trace you. Can you?".
She wanted to say no. She wanted to say she couldnt leave behind the land that soothed her when she was troubled, the land that fed her. But Tara deserved better, and she had started almost a life with Vyaas in her dreams. She looked at her man in the eye. He didn't falter one bit, he was clear. His eyes reflected truth and sincerity, his words reflected trust. "Yes".

Utopia : Sunset : Part 6

It was Saturday night. Tara had slept blissfully unaware of how her life was shaping up. Vanshika could not sleep one bit. She was staring blankly at her ceiling asking herself a million questions. But those questions always pointed towards the same direction. Was this right? She kept avoiding an answer. She looked at how peacefully Tara slept. The mother in her said Tara deserved it. She made her mind clear then. She drew her flute from her gunny bag and began to play. Kurai ondrum illai.. As the song was drawing to a close, she heard clatter of vessels from the kitchen. She hated rats. She would deal with it in the morning.
It was Sunday morning and they were ready and leaving. She was leaving her home and she would never get back. She was leaving the land that gave life to her more than once. The land that shaped her up, to what she was today, and made her capable of fighting for what was right. The land that made her belief in true love come true. She looked ahead at the sun and it seemed to hold promises - of a new life. Of happiness. Of a new place. She beamed with confidence and walked on with her gunny bag and Tara in a Kangaroo hold.
She bought tickets as Vyaas had advised and boarded the train. Their train departed on time and in ten minutes, Tara slept. This is not right Vanshika, one half of her mind said. This is not going to teach anyone a lesson. This is just wiping off our conscience about something close to stealing. But those guys were bad to all of us and this is like giving back to them said her other half. This secures Tara's future and thats our priority now. The answer was pretty simple if she knew which was important. Twenty three years of character building in herself or a promise of future for her dear one. She closed her eyes and she saw the bright blue skin that had never been difficult to visualise. And that instant, in a flash, her decision dawned upon her.
Central station was nearing. Vyaas would be waiting at the airport and they would catch a flight to fly into eternity. Tara moved a little. She prepared her kangaroo hold and thats when Tara started to wail. Was it time already? Oh yes it was. The train had reached central station. People started to get down from the train. She placed Tara inside the kangaroo hold. She began nursing Tara, remaining in her seat, while the train pulled out of central station.

Utopia : Sunrise : Part 4

It had now been a month since Vyaas had proposed. Vanshika was at her happiest. She was amazed at how easily he cared for Tara. She kept telling herself how lucky she was. It was a full moon that day and Vyaas and Vanshika were on their routine post dinner stroll. Tara was back home sleeping. They walked hand in hand and reached the banyan tree. The bright moonlight was making its way through the banyan tree lighting the mud floor around.
"So when are we getting married?" "Vyaas we went through this. We have another four months. Do we have to always start our conversation with this question?" "No.. I'm just making sure you don't forget". All of a sudden both their eyes shifted to the ground. "Are you wondering what I'm wondering Vansh?" "Yep. The ground looks too even for me, like its been made. It doesn't look natural to me." "I'm gonna dig". "Vyaas, lets go. Lets not start anything." "No Vansh, I think the land is concealing something. I saw those guys too many times around this region and I sure want to know whats here. You know what? Let me drop you home and get back here". "Vyaas I know this place more than you do, I'm standing by your side no matter what".
They went to the bushes nearby where Vanshika stored all her equipments and quickly got to work. As Vanshika wiped off a bead of sweat from her forehead, she looked at Vyaas. His eyes shone brightly with the moonlight. His shoulders promised her a bright future. She wished four months would fly away. After digging about six feet, Vanshika's spade got caught in a thick rope. "Hey, I have a feeling we have to dig alongside the rope". "Right or left honey?" Good question she thought. The answer was simple for she always wanted be to be righteous. "Right, baby" she winked. "Aye aye captain" he replied and got to work. After an hour of skillful digging, they hit something hard. Vyaas put down his sickle and started using his hands. He had a feeling what this was going to be. Couple of minutes down, they finally held what the string pointed them to. A cookie of solid gold, both ends of the string still under the soil.