B&M : my story: Coping up with infertility

So my story begins here... it was six years ago that we got married. Well almost. A beautiful wedding, a romantic honeymoon and we immediately got into the grind. We had decided to have kids only after sometime for a lot of reasons. Our first mistake was we did not announce it on NDTV or in the newspaper so people could know. Life would have been a lot easier then. I still dont understand what difference it makes for people if we have kids or not. A thousand questions and how I wished I could have answered them. Two months into my marriage  (trust me I was still a virgin then) and came the first question. "Ive learnt the mantra from kunti and waiting for the sun god to bless me since biologically it is impossible right now". We started practising birth control and then again. "I heard that condoms were 99% effective and unfortunately we dont fall in the 1%". How i wished i could have given them those answers. Years passed and we decided it was time. And it wasnt working.
Every month as my period came it was hell. Not to mention the urine pregnancy test that faithfully returned a single line like forever. I used to wonder if at all the second line in those sticks ever glow dark. We were getting stressed as each month passed. Every time I tore a month off our calendar, the darkest question kept repeating in my mind. My biological clock was counting down. We decided to get us checked. And then came the question again. This time it was from a creature at work. "No we dont plan to. We're going to have a DINK life. Double Income No Kids. Oh im sorry to disappoint you, were you planning to baby sit and bring my kid up?". How I wish I could just slap those people right across their cheek. Then came the tests. A million pricks. A zillion scans. IUI. Three of them. What was painful was not the prick or scan but the two week wait. I started seeing more pregnancy symptoms than ever. Thanks to google that gave me an online test and pronounced me pregnant every time. Yet it didn't work. My period would faithfully come. It was August 2012 and we decided to go for the next round of investigations. In December we had the death verdict pronounced upon us. It was me. I didnt have enough reserve eggs and my hormones were heading me towards a menopause. My eggs were reducing with each period. Then came the thousand questions to God. I broke down in front of the doctor. He was kind enough to console me and bring me back to normal. And then he gave us our options. We needed time. We were born in a land where AIDS is a lesser taboo than infertility. We would fight it together. Win or lose.
It is strange that painful times brings people closer together than ever. We decided we would take a break for three months and just forget about everything. Three months we would just live our lives around each other. Beautiful times. How much I realised I had been missing to notice what I have. How much I had missed to see how blessed I was. The much lost oblivion was back in our lives. The question kept popping up but I didnt care.
And again the time came for us to make a decision. We could not accept adoption as we were not sure how our families would take it. Like others say, I dont think adoption is a noble act that we do. It is in fact the kid who is being noble giving up the environment it is used to. Just so to light up our lives. We could not convince ourselves that everyone would treat the kid well. We did not want to cause trauma to a kid. And add to our karma. So IVF it would be. We would try with my own eggs. Or rather what was left of it.
Today it is easy for me to look back thanks to God. But the scar is unhealed. The questions remain unanswered but the human in me mostly forgets this. But not completely. Perhaps one day everything would unfold. Or not.
Cheers,
Hopie