Goodbye and good riddance 2016!

Dear 2016,
How are you? I really cannot predict the answer. We are here at the end, and wondering what made you create such a year. A year of tragedies, a myriad dreams shattered. Dreams. I have completely lost faith of my childhood belief that dreams come true. thanks to you. Of promises broken. How effortlessly you shattered the pictures you so clearly painted. Tears. Those sleepless nights that drenched the pillow covers. The little rains that so beautifully camouflaged them. Goodbyes. I stop here for I have no more words to express.
Dear Reader,
In case you are reading along and wondering why my post is in such a tone, then thank you. Because you are the reason we hang on. You remind us that those dreams shall perhaps come true some day. You prove to us that promises shall perhaps fall in place. You demonstrate that the tears shall be answered. Our question on goodbyes shall remain...
Dear 2017,
We welcome you with open arms, with no expectations. 2016 has taught us to be unconditional. So we ask you to give us only what we can bear, because we do not want any more strength of any kind. or any more lessons. We've learnt enough.

thank you 2016. welcome 2017.

Fears,
Hopie

An undelivered letter

Dear Aravindan,
I think it has been three years since we spoke. it was exactly a day before my birthday when I came across your number and called you. And today, I hear that you are no more. I cannot tell you how much I cried over this. But what good is it? would it bring you back? if only it would. I remember how we use to take on each other those math tests and how every time you used to win. I remember the silent geek you were always trying to grasp perhaps every breath the teachers exhaled. attention. that was something i learnt from you in the short while we were together. and a smile that ran from ear to ear. how it would radiate your kind hearted nature.

were we good friends? of course not. for if we were, I would be able to give your mom comfort at this hour. I would help her overcome the worst feeling in the world - of outliving her own child. For if we were, I would have known your unlived dreams and helped her live through it. for if we were, I would have had the guts to tell her you breathed last doing something you were so passionate about.

Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once

tears,
Hopie 

Do u dare open the door?

With two boys running around, even the simplest of tasks seem complex. On an ordinary day, to pick up the landline from a closed room, the task is straight forward - open the door, pick up the cordless, come out and close the door. Today, with the equivalent of an Usain Bolt and a Dipa Karmakar, this is what the task looks like:
open the door. even before you realise, Usain Bolt flies past you and reaches the corner most of the room and gives that come-near-and-thats-it look. Dipa Karmakar follows in with that run up and goes for the bed. Our bed now resembles a "vault" and that allures him further to it. Now i've reached Bolt and grabbed him by his left hand. I pull him towards the vault while karmakar has found the rocker chair. He turns it into a see-saw and nudges Bolt to join. Bolt is frantically trying to break-free from my grasp and thats when Karmakar attempts the Produnova. He propels himself into air while I have no choice and catch him. The fastest man on earth runs to the new found see saw and even before I wink, the gymnast has joined him. I let them rock on for a while, grab both of them and wonder why I went into the chandramukhi-arai in the first place. Oh yea. The cordless phone. If only I were an octopus. I tug the cordless under my chin, firmly grasp both and try to pull them out of the room. Perspiration gets on their side and the cordless slips. They wished. I ignore the cordless and pull them both out of the room. With a Herculean effort, I latch the room and wipe the sweat beads 0ff my forehead. I'd rather make that call from my mobile.

Now tell me, would you dare open the door?

Three cheers to adrenaline,
Hopie

Celebrating Riaan

"A lily of a day is fairer far in May,
Although it fall and die that night,
It was the plant and flower of light.
In small proportions we just beauties see, And in short measures life may perfect be."

A myriad dreams, a tall castle scraping through the skies with the most beautiful garden. The ringing of bees so clearly heard, tinkling of windchimes following their rhythm. A rainbow through the bright blue sky so full of promise. A promise as pure as the dew drops that created it. Promise of rains. Of blooms. Of colors. Of music. Of spring. Of life. A promise that was broken. A promise that we will try to mend.

We will see the twinkle in your eyes thro Kiara's - whenever she is mischievous, joyful or content, for she will reflect you in those instants even without her realising it. We will hear your voice, your laughter through Anu and Manoj, for you are a perfect RHS to their equation of happiness. When we fear, we will learn from you how to be strong, to fight and look ahead with confidence. When we are tired, you will remind us to endure, to persevere and get back to track. When we hold on too strong at something that is moving away, we will learn from you to let go bravely, for you teach us that letting go doesnt mean a life full of regret but it is indeed gallant, indeed valiant.

Today the throne is empty. It is devoid of you, our little king, and there is no one as just, as fit to fill that space. The throne shall remain empty, but the throne shall rule. The mere throne will radiate you forever in far more ways than you ever imagined. And we will celebrate you, cherish you, be proud of you, live through you, in every moment - of joy, sorrow, doubt, clarity, contentment and peace. For you are a promise little Riaan.

Tears,
Hopie

Episode 6

...Anitha calling

"Hey Anitha.. " "do you have some time to talk to me or are you busy? ""If you're calling me at this time, I can understand its important... shoot..!"Anitha cleared her throat. From the tune of it, Arjun understood it was going to be a long conversation. Not removing his eyes from the note he just made, he began to listen... "Arjun, there are two things that I want to tell you. Please listen to me fully before you ask questions. Firstly, this morning I received a call. The extension was 135. I kept saying hello but there was no response. It sounded like a little boy wanted to say something. He was not able to speak in English. So i tried hindi, he seemed to stammer. The line was really bad and I couldn't make anything of what he spoke. But then in the end, he kept saying bijoy saab. I shall send the number to you. Perhaps you can call and try to find something? The next information is from a trustworthy source. I heard that there was an alliance sought for Vijay at his native." "WHAT? but his parents know about shruthi. How can they do this? ". "See Arjun, I can only pass on the information I have. Its up to you to take it or not. I'll text the number per whatsapp to you. Good night" and the line went blank. Arjun sat starting at the paper in front of his eyes and his phone beeped. He added these two events ti the list along with the number and closed his eyes. Even before he could realise, he went into deep sleep.

The week before, at Maraandur (Vijay's hometown)

It was a modest house, buzzing with animation that morning. "How long do i have to wait to get a cup of coffee? " shouted Srinath, the boss of the house. A tinkle of glasses followed and a tall woman in saree carried the coffee to her father in law. "God bless you uttara" he said after he took the coffee from her hands. Srinath's family thrived on irrigation and they owned nearly one tenth of the lands at Maraandur. His family consisted of his son Srini, daughter Siya, his wife Malathy. "I have some news" he announced folding the news paper and thumping it on the teapoy, which meant everyone had to assemble around him. "I've found a prospective alliance for Siya. His name is Vijay, he works in the city in a software firm. Their family has been living in our village for quite a few generations. I think he is the right one for our Siya" he concluded. Malathy did not say anything as a matter of routine. Srini nodded his head in agreement. Uttara gently held Siya's arms and she returned the hold. Their eyes met shortly. Siya knew him. She had seen him at the village thiruvizha every year and he always won at the uriyadi. Her friends had giggled childishly whenever he gazed at their side. The powerful gaze that came from those hazelnut colored eyes. "....Siya??? Are you here? ??" "Appa?" "For the fifth time, shall we proceed with this alliance?" Siya bowed down and blushed. She closed her eyes for a second. She could clearly picture the pot being broken and a thousand flower petals falling from it.
The next morning, as Siya walked down from her room, she saw a dozen bags stacked in the hallway. "We're going now to Rajaram's place to ask Vijay's hand in marriage" said Uttara. Siya couldn't control her excitement. She waved goodbye as their car sped off and finally vanished from her vision. "Welcome Srinath, what a surprise! " greeted Rajaram. His surprise turned to bewilderment as they unloaded bags from their car and entered. "Let me come straight to the point. I have come to propose my daughter's hand in marriage to your son. Her name is Siya. She is twenty years old. She has finished Bsc biotechnology. She is my only daughter and you know about our wealth,  so we can talk marriage terms...". Rajaram was dumbfounded. "Srinath, first of all, thank you for having considered my son a worthy match for your daughter. But I am sorry I am not in a position to accept your proposal. I hope you find an even better groom for your daughter" replied rajaram politely. It was only the night before that Vijay had announced of his relationship. "Rajaram I wil give you what you ask for. .. money, gold, land what not. ..". "Srinath, I am not after money or riches. Please understand when I say I'm not in a position to accept and lets leave it there". "So tell me what you want and I will get it for you. Don't feel shy. There is nothing wrong in asking Rajaram...". Rajaram's temper rose at this statement. "Is something wrong with your daughter? Why are you so desperate to push her off?" That moment tricked off further arguments and finally Srinath's family left.
Siya hadn't moved from the window since morning. She could hear a faint noise of the engine and she came running down. The door banged open and her dad entered. "How dare he... such nerve... i will take care of him the appropriate way. .". Siya couldn't understand what could have happened and remained mum. "Srini, we will do it like what they did for Renu. That will teach him a lesson". The very mention of Renu had sent a chill down Siya's spine. They had kidnapped the groom. And drugged him. And conducted the marriage in the north of India. They had returned to Maraandur six months after marriage. Siya's eyes were moist with tears when Uttara came by her side. Uttara was the only bold woman of the family. "But Renu is not happy today. .. are you sure this is what you want for Siya.. I wouldn't want it". "My Siya will be happy" and rajaram ended the conversation. "Vijay is planning to come here next week, we will employ the best people and kidnap him". Siya looked at her brother blankly. She would never talk. She was taught not to talk in front of the men of the house. A myriad thoughts ran in her mind but she would voice none. She would leave the rest to destiny like she always did.

The day b4 Vijay was kidnapped, Shruthi's residence

Deepak came out of his room and his  phone rang. It was Sandeep. He cut the call and texted him. The usual spot in thirty minutes. He walked out of the the house and mounted his Audi and when the engine whirred to life he relaxed a bit. He reached The Park and sat at the table where he usually did. The waiters would never disturb him. He was a regular. He picked his phone and dialled Sandeep and felt someone grab his shoulder. "Your shoulders are too tight, you should relax..." he remarked. "I will once you tell me the plan".
"Deepak, firstly, i have done a complete background check on this guy. He has a clean slate. He hails from a good family and has good morals". "Sandy so why don't you marry him? " said deepak angrily. "Okay I just wanted to tell you. Anyway, he is planning to go to his native tomorrow. We will shift his course to a far off place. We will settle things. He will not come to our course in a day and you jave to be patient too". "You mean kidnap him?". "If you want to call it so, yes" replied Sandeep casually.

Silly weeks #25 #26 #27 #28

#25
Like the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle that was long lost and finally found, like a rainbow that spreads across the sky, like a light shower that pours on a summer morning, let this week bring to us colorful and joyful surprises! Have a happy week ahead...!

#26
Let the quality of our thoughts be as high as the mountains, let the righteousness of our thoughts be as clear as the deep blue sky, let the clarity of our thoughts be as clear as the wide ocean, for our thoughts now builds our tomorrows... have a happy week ahead!

#27
Lets rise with the sun, with enough positivity to vanquish darkness; lets instill in us the power and clarity to reach the topmost part of the sky, lets bow down as the day goes by, humbly, at our mistakes, lets set with the sun taking lessons from our mistakes so we rise brighter and stronger tomorrow! Have a happy week ahead!

#28
Look thro a kaleidoscope and see the colors play a game as it is twirled, try to burn a twig with a magnifying glass intercepting the suns rays, sprinkle mustard seeds on damp cotton and cherish it as it grows into tiny bushes, dust that piggy bank and drop a coin everyday and watch it get heavy slowly and steadily...step back and bring back the joy in small things... Have a happy week ahead!

Looking back a decade. ..

Seems like yesterday, when we were sitting in the hall, and you announced as a matter of fact. .. i have asked appa amma to say ok to them. It didn't quite sink in that moment. It felt weird though. That you were going to be a different person very soon, you were going to be a wife, and not just my sister. I had to prepare myself to accept that there was no other choice. I had to share you with someone else. I still remember the first time i saw you remove plates, how i broke down. How silly of me. It took a while for me to realise what the chore meant deep inside. When i look back today, i am happy and thankful, i have a million good things to talk about the last ten years.
The good times - how happiness multiplies very easily. Those vacations. Those trips back home. The visits to dwaraka and brindaranyam (not to forget the vethala paakku that came with it). The retail therapy and impulse shopping. Those unofficial online shoppings and the confusion today of who gave what.
The tough times - how you stuck together despite everything. The belief that time and effort can heal. The acceptance that you drew and the gratitude, of how every minute you have instances to be thankful for. And mean it. The tears that we shed and derived hope from it. And the light finally that shone.
They say save the best for the last, so here goes. The family around you were gifted with. A mother in law to talk to without hesitation, when you were happy and sad . A like minded sister in law (need i say more) who radiates unconditional love. Another sister, four days younger to me, who gave you the joy of being a sister all over again. A co sister who adores you, and today more than a family, is your friend. And what came first - your husband. Someone, lets be frank here, who was patient with your atrocities, who stood by you no matter what, who gave you not just a shoulder, but the maturity you needed. The love that grew between you all this while is quite unimaginable, standing the test of time.
Not just from your perspective but from theirs too. A family who loves you, rejoices you, respects you and celebrates you.
Today, as i look back, i am thankful for all the good times; the strength, the lessons and faith we gathered from those testing times; the wonderful people around you, who make your life daily, who instill love in you as a matter of routine, as a matter of instinct; and lastly your better half who completes your life in all ways. Wait a minute. He's just a quarter now. Once again, lastly, i am thankful for the other half of you, the handsome charming fire truck driver and the princess who drive you crazy in more ways that you can imagine and are a living proof of faith and gratitude.

Thank you God.
Cheers
Hopie

Silly weeks #21 #22 #23

#21
When everything you see looks like a rainbow, when every step you take feels like walking on clouds, when everything you hear sounds like a rain drop thumping on a puddle of water, when every breath you take smells like freshly mowed grass, when nothingness makes you smile, you know you're in love... feel light, happy week ahead!

#22
As the warmth spreads around waking you up, as the sweat beads start trinkling down your forehead, as the mercury walks up lazily, as the rays fall on the ground glistening a bright gold, lets rejoice, for this is the onset of summer. Lets welcome summer. Happy week ahead...!

#23
Lets take a few spoons of vanilla and may it bring peace in our lives, lets relish strawberry and be blessed with pink of health, lets savour pista and live through freshness, and as we take a mouthful of orange, may our lives become bright and full of joy! Wake up your taste buds as we welcome a week of flavours! Happy week ahead!

#24
Is it that day when the clouds seem to be dark but no promise of rains, that day when the air around chokes you, that day when you fail to find what you search dearly for? Then wake up. It's only a dream. For life is full of promises, joy and hope. The garden with your favourite blooms is waiting for you. Happy week ahead!

Boundless

I never realized one word could have so many meanings. Pain. Distress. Hunger. Happiness. Discomfort. Sleepiness. Irritation. Bliss. Doubt. Fear. Attention. Security. Feeling complete.
The one word we always take for granted. The word that is meant to be and do everything without praise. The one word we can always count on. The one word that's always there whether we fight or shout at.
Those three syllables which could be defined a million ways. The beautiful beginning, the lips that go together and makes the sound come through our breath, and yet another beginning, perhaps an infinite one. Omnipresent. Ubiquitous. Unconditional. அம்மா.
Cheers,
Hopie

Silly weeks #17 #18 #19 #20

As we close our eyes, we step into a different world.. a world where everything is music to our ears... splatter of rainfall, the gigantic thunder, the rhythmic sound of people walking, the rustle of leaves along the wind, the chatter of clothes on a clothesline... close your eyes and let go of all inhibitions..happy week ahead!

Let each day of this week bring us good things.. cheer, love, perseverance, courage, ability, competence, patience.. let each day of the week take us forward making us look back at good times and lessons learnt.. for each day is a blessing... happy week ahead!

A little palm that reassures, a warm hand that comforts, a soft lap that makes you forget, a strong shoulder that gives you hope, a true smile that makes you feel warm, a touch that heals... lets experience a week of magic through the people around us...! Happy week ahead...!

A mere thought that makes a swarm of butterflies flutter in your stomach, a sight in the distance that makes your heart skip a beat, that soft touch which makes you feel the warmth of your blood flow, a long conversation without any thoughts, any inhibitions, that makes you defy gravity and go head over heels. .. fall in love, be in love, for this is the first week of the month of love! Happy week ahead! 

Moving forward

The decision was sudden. The opportunity was unexpected. But yet, we decided to embrace it for a lot if reasons. After nine months of having a long distance relationship, finally D Day arrives, the much expected day, when Prem and I hold our bundle of joy and move forward. For us its a big step. Although we've faced a lot of criticism on how we're going to handle it, I know one thing for sure. We want to make this work.
As we pack our suitcases amidst the zig zag crawls of our boys, my mind races behind. Thirty two years. Well almost. The home that has been with me through and through. The home that gave me what I needed - a shoulder to rest while I was sad, an arm to hold when I needed confidence, a head to dash when I was happy, a lap to lie down on when I had to let go. The home that has seen the best and worst of me.
Tomorrow, I leave my birth place and fly to a new land. A land where the week begins on a Sunday, a land where vehicles are driven on the wrong side of the road, a land where texts are read from right to left and you might wonder why a sentence begins with a smiley. A land, where thankfully, clocks still run clockwise and time moves forward.
Hope the land makes a home to us the next couple of years.

Cheers,
Hopie